An internet friend of mine recently wrote me an anguished email message saying that she is now single and that she has no idea where all the good men are. “I seem to attract only submissive men who want to be led around by the nose,†she complained. This friend is one of a surprisingly large number of women who yearn for a strong man who will, at least in some ways, be in control… “not the way your average control freak is in control,†she says, “but in a way which increases the intimate connection between the man and woman.†She says she finds control erotic, “but I'm not at all interested in BDSM and have no desire to be anyone's slave or servant. Nor do I want a man who requires unquestioning obedience. I'm a modern woman who wants a modern relationship (i.e., one in which each partner supports the other's work and dreams) but one enriched by control dynamics.†Unfortunately, her search has so far drawn a blank.